I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
