o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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