My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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