Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
