from now on my penis is your penis
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
