Nicole vs. Life
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
