Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
