a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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