He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
