At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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