I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
