Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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