so explain again why im purple
no
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
