wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
