office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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