She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
