I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
