Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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