i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
