new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
