I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
