he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
