It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
