you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize