Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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