I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
