HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize