Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
