just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
