just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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