i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize