FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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