TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
