I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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