Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
