THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
