does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
