I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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