He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
