Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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