I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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