Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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