I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
