When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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