First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
