Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
