Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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