just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
