New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
