Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
