is your mom at the bar?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
not ubering you a puppy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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