He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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