Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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