They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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