I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize