MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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