He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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