I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
