I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
