I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
