Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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