im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
