I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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