Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
