When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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