The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
