My hand turned me down
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
