shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
