Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
