I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
