what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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