it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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