I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
