I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
