Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
