I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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