just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
