i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
