is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Randomize
